January 2019 = VR

Holy moley Angelina Jolie in a kimono no obi! I recently finished up Horizon: Zero Dawn, which required me to sprint through a ~5 hour main quest line on Ultra Hard New Game +. It was nice to get the story all at once instead of spacing it out over dozens of machine-hunting and sidequests.

Finishing a AAA title always gives me satisfaction and the most first world problem dilemma: what do I play next? This usually results in a week of avid tv or movie streaming while I mull over what game I'm going to complete next. This time while I do that, I get to spend time with my latest acquisition: PS VR. This system is better than I could have imagined. 

I'm gonna getcha!

Virtual Reality is one of those things where doing something mundane like throwing a tennis ball between your hands provides much more entertainment than the real thing. I usually think about the physics and programming involved to do these everyday things realistically and it sends my mind spinning. Growing up, we saw wireframes and random geometric objects that were usually supposed to convey hacking in 3d or a war simulator. Most recently, in Black Panther, that Vibranium-sand that opened the movie with a legend that turned out to be a real Wakandan invention. Err, I guess that was AR (augmented reality), but it was an interactive digital model, so nyah. Anyway, the real VR product is loads better. It's really hard to convey in words and 2d pictures the thrill of solving puzzles by physically moving your body to get a better vantage point, or dodging attacks or even tilting virtual objects and moving your face closer to see details. The gameplay doesn't need to be complex to be enjoyable in VR if you're like me and are wowed by the tech itself.

CoD: Jackal Assault doesn't even let you
do pilot controls...F MINUS

There are at least 200 PS VR titles of varying quality. I don't do horror, so that cuts out half of the selection, and that leaves puzzle games with almost no art direction. Low polygon count and tech specs don't necessarily mean the game has to look ugly; an art director coordinates that stuff. Then there are the must have VR titles: Astrobot: Rescue Mission, The Playroom and Beat Saber.

The Playroom VR is free to download and comes with a set of multiplayer games and even has a trophy list! In one of the titles, the VR headset player is a monster who is stomping through town (the player headbuts obstacles) while up to 4 controller players run for their lives across the city. The tables turn when they get to a platform and huck items at the monster's face. In another title, the VR player is supposed to aim their flashlight on ghosts to scare them away while whoever's looking at the TV can describe where the ghosts are. And that's another thing: all of the titles I've played have a TV display at the same time the VR person is in the headset, which enables multiplayer and gives observers more to watch than a fool with a glowing face.

Then we get to Astrobot: Rescue Mission, which sets the standard for VR. JapanStudio has created a family-friendly cute Mario alternative. This game plays like any of the 3d Mario games, except with VR enhancements like perspective puzzles and hidden items that will have to constantly looking around. The graphics are solid, the colors are bright, the music is good, and the game is stable. I haven't seen any glitches and the game is incredibly user-friendly. This game has really, REALLY cool boss fights and my wife and I are trying to space out our sessions so that we can savor the experience.

I bought this rig after playing Beat Saber, which is the other killer app for PSVR. In the headset, you are dodging walls and slicing boxes with dual light sabers to cool electronic beats. Anyone watching you will see that you're dancing, and it's quite amazing to see two genres that emerge from the same actions, depending on perspective. It's like a horror movie that's a comedy if narrated from a different character's perspective.


Other than VR, I wrapped up a few smaller developer title and started playing a game that's been missing for 10 years: Onrush. Onrush is the new Burnout. This is a car game that forgoes racing and instead encourages you to destroy other drivers to win. OnRush captures the sense of speed really well, and there is no racing in it: instead, there are objectives like hitting targets to prolong a countdown, keep speed inside a zone while fending off attackers, or knocking opponents into traffic and other wholesome ideas. Onrush was one of the free PS+ games in December 2018, and is fun as hell!

Winter break Pt 2 ft superhero movies

Avengers promo? They have promos all the time.
The listed regular price of $22.99 never happens.

So, I got a Sinemia membership, which is one of those subscriptions where you can see x movies for x dollars per year. You go to Fandango and check your theater for seats, sign into the Sinemia app and manually enter the movie showtime, upon which a credit card number is generated, which you go back and enter on Fandango to get your tickets. At this point, you are charged about $3 and Sinemia pays for the rest. When you show your confirmation email to get in at the theater, you also sign into the movie through the Sinemia app. It's a bit convoluted, but even with the not-really-hidden surcharges, you're shelling out ~$6 for a primetime showing. Not a bad deal with some patience and reading.

Anyway, my first experience got me into a showing of Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse, which was a great way to round out Black 2018. Like (my previous review of) Dragon Quest XI, the movie was a living, breathing comic book. After coming off JRPG stories of insisting that darkness is bad and light is good without really explaining why, Spiderman deals with sympathetic villains and twisted 'good guys,' and my brain was almost stuck in the mire of Japanese character writing. This movie hits quick and good, and knows its place in its own world as well as the real world. It does a recap of Spiderman's existence, and kind of eye rolls its way through a 1-minute backstory. Isn't this like the 5th retelling of Spiderman in the last 15 years? 2 of the 5 lyrics in the 90s cartoon tell you all you need to know about Peter Parker: 'radioactive Spider-man.' Anyhow, I don't want to spoil the movie, but one thing I appreciated was that while 15 year old Miles Morales had awkward moments, that wasn't the entirety of his character. It's nice to acknowledge that teenagers are complex human beings, too.

Dolph Lundgren as an advisor? Sure.

The next night, I saw Awkwardman, which had all the teenage awkwardness and bland morality to be expected of a movie with a high budget. King. Kill king. Get power. Power good. Jokes. The score reminded me of Man of Steel in the sense that the one-song soundtrack was great...but it felt like one continuous song. It manifests itself when whoever is Black Manta decides to be Black Manta, which I thought would be his theme. (Dude! Sick!) And then, you hear the three-note theme when he's preparing to do something sinister. (G'hee! Awesome!) And then he disappears for an hour of the long-ass film to some inter-kingdom squabble, and you hear the theme again. At that point, it's just a rogue theme that plays whenever the hell it feels like it. Rupert Gregson-Williams, who previously kicked our asses with the Wonder Woman soundtrack, just wasn't utilized here. I know that the effects will look great in 4k, but at my showing, the actors' heads floated on bodies that weren't theirs, and there were loads of awkward effects like putting the trident up to his face. What the fuck? Point it at someone, it's a weapon! Lastly, the giant sea creature that gave that awkward-ass roar when Arthur...ehh...wins at the end and makes a generic-ass speech. I laughed a lot during Aquaman, and definitely enjoyed the experience. I'll be watching it again, but it was awkward as I've ever seen!

Liam Neeson approves!

In gaming news, I started Horizon Zero Dawn, and boy am I glad I waited. In spring in 2017, I had reached a divergence of this game, Far Cry Primal and Zelda: Breath of the Wild. I was pretty sure they'd be similar experiences, and ultimately chose to be disappointed by BotW and pleasantly surprised by FC Primal. Horizon Zero Dawn is pretty much Far Cry: Primal, though, and that's not a bad thing. The hunting and gathering are pretty minimalized and you spend more time fighting the dino-machines and conversing than preparing for your journey. Crafting is pretty quick and you can bypass it with money, but that requires more stopping to fight on the way to your mission destination. I paused through the main story and have been doing side quests and stuff and got back to the main story after a week or so of other stuff. Just when I was about to make fun of the story for having a really predictable twist, the scenes start to elaborate and this is where it's really shining. The world was destroyed by human greed and overambition, sure. The plan to save humanity is where the writing in HZD establishes itself and I'd encourage everyone to play it.

Other than that, I have been really thoughtless about frugal gaming. While HZD was only $10, I had an instant love affair with PS VR and splurged on a used bundle. Going forward, I'm going to challenge myself to go as long as I can without spending money on games this year. Foot, prepare to meet Mouth at a later date!

Games Since October

One of the free November games is called Burly Men At Sea, which features a branching story with 4 major choices that can be be completed in about 20 minutes per cycle. There isn't really much to do besides read how the story changes. I'm guessing it's based on Nordic folktales, but the presentation is minimal, unique and overall pleasant. Even the audio effects are some dude making sounds into the mic. 3-hour Platinum GET!

While we're outside my usual genres, I got my hands on an old favorite: Lumines Remastered. In this game you match tiles to the rhythm of a flow of levels. Each level has its own music and rhythm of the sweep that clears your blocks. It's visually and aurally amazing, and one of those games where the music will put you in a trance and muscle memory and quick reactions will keep your sessions longer than you might have planned.

Picture Mode was fun!

Next up was a rental of my second favorite Uncharted after the second game: The Lost Legacy. This episode features Chloe Frazer and Nadine Ross, one treasure hunter and mercenary who kick ass and take names. The game has your signature Uncharted stuff: gorgeous scenery, lifelike characters, ridiculous climbing physics, and some anthropology and history along the way. You meet Chloe in the second Uncharted game, a good bad good thief who works her charms on Nathan Drake, and this game flushes her character out as a physically capable badass. You get to find out that she's mixed Indian and English, and that ends up playing into the storyline, as the antagonist makes a point about the prized artifact being for 'pure' bloods only. This of course blows up in his face cause racism sucks, but Chloe wasn't gonna let him get away with that shit anyway!

Nadine is from Uncharted 4, where she beats the snot out of Nate in a few fistfights before Sully buddies everyone up. The path to platinum is a little more than half as long as a usual Uncharted game, but I thought that was a good thing. As the 5th game in the series, I was ready for something short but sweet, since they're not about to drastically change the gameplay.

Also, shoutout to Naughty Dog (developer) for the accessibility options in this game. I'm a fan of turning button presses to hold for the quick-time events.

 Last but not least is a game that was gnawing at me for the last few weeks since I'd returned the rental: Dead Cells. The longing got the best of me and I ended up buying it. It's one of those games with procedurally-generated levels and progress is made by unlocking access to certain items spawning and certain permanent abilities unlocking each run. One life can last a few minutes, or if you git gud, one life can take you through to the end boss in about an hour. But you will die. So. Much. The gameplay is fast-paced, and you can strategize your approach: throughout the levels you find scrolls that upgrade 1 of 3 stats that affect: melee damage, ranged damage, or defense. The level of each stat makes that weapon do more damage, and you get a % of health with each scroll found, but the enemies also get more difficult. There are a few no-damage trophies as well as beating this game on the hardest difficulty, which would make this game probably a 9 or 10/10 for difficulty, but it's so fun to try.

Also, until Thanksgiving is a quietly huge sale on most of Square Enix's titles from the last 5 years on the Platstation Store. If you like RPGs, head over and get you some! The sale is for everyone, not just PS+ members.

Katamari Forever: a profile

I am one of those people that uses the word perfect subjectively. I think something is perfect if it does what it's intended to do and nails all the details along the way. I abhor smoking but can tell you cigarettes are a perfect product. The addictive factor has been refined through decades of testing despite the obvious signs of damage to health. Cigarettes are so good that skipping 5-10 minutes of work every hour or two is socially acceptable, as long as you're harming your health. Try that shit with a 5-10 minute break to read a book or blend some smoothies in the break room and report back to me. Anyhoo, cigarettes are a perfect product to me, and the Katamari Damacy series is also perfect.

This guy is hilarious, annoying, the most important entity
in the Katamari universe...and that bulge is amazing!

If you haven't heard of Katamari Damacy [~Clump Soul], the story goes that your father, The King of Cosmos, [got drunk one night and] accidentally destroyed the planets, and it's your job to roll up enough items to form new ones. This story is told through surreal 10-second animations which were just as random in original Japanese. Also, to reach back to the title, it doesn't make sense in Japanese either, and the creator said it randomly popped into his head. This is a relief to me, as there are some really stupid anime titles that had to have been conceived similarly. Bubblegum Crisis and Cowboy Bebop come to mind, but I digress. Anyway, the bizarre opening sets the tone for the whole experience.

The game has a bright, cartoony palette and features everyday objects that the Prince of the Cosmos collects into a ball as he rolls through living rooms, backyards, train stations, and eventually the Solar System. This can be explained with a picture. What can't be explained is how the game sounds.

Each game features a peppy, poppy and eclectic soundtrack that stands well on its own. The music is good and the composer knows it. The PS3 title that I'm currently playing, Katamari Forever, is a blend of the first and second title, with a story to link all the chaos. The entire soundtrack is a remix of these two games as well. From the Katamari Wiki: "Miyake employed the help of over 20 other Japanese artists and remixers to help the soundtrack, which was designed to act as part of a "musical trilogy" with the soundtrack to Katamari Damacy and We Love Katamari. This was accomplished by choosing tracks from those games that were either fan or staff favorites and having them remixed by both Japanese and non-Japanese artists, though Miyake notes that the majority of the artists were Japanese as he did not know many non-Japanese musicians, the same problem that kept non-Japanese artists out of the first two soundtracks of the "trilogy".

I'd argue the most popular song of the series is not the main theme, but Lonely Rolling Star. The first gets its own version in each game, and the second gets a dubstep remix in the PSP title. One of my favorite tracks from the first game, Cherry Blossom Color Season, is a very poignant track about a summer memory with school kids doing vocals while a boy takes the lead. In Katamari Forever, it's done by a peppy 80s soft rock female vocalist. Both versions nail the sense of nostalgia, even without knowing what the lyrics mean. The remix that most blew me away in the same game was the second game's J-POPpiest song Everlasting Love being both mashed up with You Are Smart and translated to English (Everlasting Love + You).

For sound effects, objects are picked up with a plop or plunk that gets deeper with larger things. You start out picking up thumbtacks and batteries and once you get to animals and people, they let out screams and other strange noises.

The aesthetic, sounds and music combine to create an amazing experience, and the controls fit perfectly. Your rolling is controlled by both thumbsticks and little vibrations tell you when you pick stuff up. Although titles in the series are on other platforms, the controls make the most sense on the Dualshock controllers, as the sticks are side by side. The latest titles are on Android and iOS which makes me wonder what they did to the controls. There's a remake of the first Katamari Damacy coming to the Switch at the end of the year, which fits the theme of the Switch being a GREATEST PORTS platform with almost no original titles. Either way, the Katamari Damacy series is highly recommended and you should give it a roll!

Where the hell have I been?

It turns out working full time, wrapping up a graduate degree, owning a house and doing marriage paperwork takes a lot of time.

School: I'm currently in a class about how to choose, create and make the most of materials for ESL learners. Basically, true/false and multiple-choice questions are dogshit for actually learning language, but garbage sells. It's a lot easier to sell shit that's easy to grade to the non-teachers who are in charge of curriculum and budgets, so inefficient and superficial language learning prevails!

Even Abe is sad I can't buy stock...

House: mid-August to now has been me coming home from work with some kind of project to address: replacing the kitchen faucet, garbage disposal, installing the bidet, making a noise-and-temperature window insert, and exploring my new neighborhood. Traffic is pretty loud and I still hate motorcyclists. What are they revving their engines for in a 30 mph zone, anyway? My new neighbors, on the other hand, understand the concept of not being noisy at night, parking where they should park, and training their animals not to be douchebags. This is a massive improvement to my quality of life for an amount I can afford with some concessions...LIKE INVESTING *dramatic crying*. No more monthly deposits into Vanguard for the time being. It sucks, but building equity is like investing...just gotta cut through that thick block of interest first.

Spoiler: not the last time. This is at the beginning of the game

With all that, it's not like I wasn't gaming at all. Septemper PS+ owners got God of War 3, a game where you play as a complete asshole. Like, wow. Kratos spares nobody. In terms of trophy hunting, this game is pretty quick and easy. This game still keeps the fluid and responsive fight controls, though platforming requiring double jumping and gliding sucks. This game has your signature smooth combat with lots of blood, a protagonist who doesn't have a whole lot of motivation in this title, and the occasional boob!



Before that, I had the express pleasure of Cosmic Star Heroine, a 16-bit-ish action RPG that is heavily inspired by Chrono Trigger. You can see and avoid battles, there are battle abilities that resemble single / dual techs, and the soundtrack is quite awesome. Also, the game is hilarious and has some personality. Even if the plot is so-so, the characters are pretty entertaining, and the NPCs even more so. I scooped it up on sale for <$10 and it was a sweet playthrough and worth it! Go, small developers!

Other than these two Platinums, I have been logging the other half of playtime plugging away at Overwatch, Star Wars Battlefront 2, and Guitar Hero Live. I just shacked up with Gamefly for their $10 promotion for a single disc rental for 2 months and my first crack will be OwlBoy.

Gaming in August 2018

Hey Folks, nothin much going on but the rent. PSYCH! I got married on the first of August and started a mortgage two weeks later. So, 'ain't nothin going on but the mortgage.' Now begins the paperwork to get a work permit for my beautiful wife. Once we let her loose on the American work force, she's going to be the breadwinner by far. I'd like to think that this means I'll have more time to play video games, but that'll likely mean more housework!

The death music in this game still triggers me

Speaking of video games and my wife, while between quarters and waiting the on paperwork, she found herself with an abundance of free time. Earlier this year, I'd gotten an SNES Mini and the game she chose to start with was Super Mario World. Now, I've had 30 years of experience with the franchise, which has barely changed its controls. Folks, I watched her walk right into enemies or right off of pits over and over and realized that I am a really terrible backseat gamer. At least there are short cords on the controllers, meaning her ability to rightfully huck the controller at me is limited. Turns out SMW is a pretty hard choice to be your break-in to game. Progress is slow, but man is she persistent!

This fight took a couple attempts

In June, she started Chrono Trigger after seeing how excited I was to add the ROM to the system. She absolutely loved CT and saw at least 3 endings. Next was Final Fantasy IV. It was pretty awesome to hear the soundtrack as I did whatever I do around the house that isn't playing video games while she hauled arse. In August, she completed A Link to the Past. Her biggest challenge was a room in the final dungeon with a collapsing floor and 4 torches to light. It came down to the coordination of an action button + a direction. I don't know if she should burn through all the classics or start getting into some of the less-polished games. She's not a fan of current-gen controllers with 20+ buttons, so we'll likely stick to the SNES mini.

Pissed off bantha

It has been great seeing her enjoy something she used to just think was for 'boys.' Since she mostly plays when I'm asleep or at work, I get to hear her new experiences of games I've known well. I don't think she'll be playing Overwatch and cursing Hanzo alongside me any time soon, but in 2018, she's played 4 of the best games ever made and doesn't show any signs of slowing down--now she's playing Final Fantasy VI.

May Play

Readers! It's been a busy couple weeks, seeing and then reading Ready Player One, and changing my freakin life with the viewing of Avengers: Infinity War. I'm not going to spoil it more than the fact that I really enjoy good villains, and Thanos was able to capture my attention away from the two dozen personalities that are trying to beat him. Black Panther was uncomfortable because you don't really feel good about the opposing force not winning, just as watching some of the protagonists "succeed" in Breaking Bad isn't necessarily a good thing. Good writing and acting can do that. I'm trying to say that I only just realized in the last few years that just because I'm reading/watching a point of view doesn't mean I have to cheer for them. That said, I cheered for Thanos because I like to sympathize with a good villain. Thanos isn't particularly complicated, but he's strong (and thus cool) and opens the movie with a badass speech. I was hooked.

Totally taken from https://ourviolentchild.wordpress.com/

I saw it again this weekend and was once again shocked by how insanely violent this movie is. There are tons of kids in that audience watching people get tortured, impaled, slammed, smashed, blown up and simply annihilated, and their parents are more riveted than they are. But we didn't see a titty or hear, "Fuck!" so it's all good for the scores of 5-year-olds that saw that movie, right?

Anyhow, going back to narrative, I'm reminded of how the story unfolds in Metroid Prime, which I finished over the weekend. As you collect the story in fragments through scanning and downloading your oppressors' computer, the narrative turns tone as the Space Pirates react to Samus. As she beats bosses and gains abilities, Samus graduates from a nuisance to a threat to a superior force that the colonizing Space Pirates have to prioritize. This gets to the point of their scientists conducting risky experiments on organisms and throwing the ones that didn't die in some horrible failure at you. I spent the majority of April revisiting this classic, as well as Nex Machina (twin-stick shooter) and Overwatch.

I don't own this photo.

Also, in celebration of May the 4th and Revenge of the Fifth, Star Wars Battlefront 2 did a double xp weekend. This is a huge deal because you actually earn 2.5-3x. I say this because the game is poorly optimized. If you're playing half the amount of games, that's a LOT less time waiting for players to fill the queue, as well as the post-battle tally screen and level loading transition. I understand that managing all the resources for the awesome graphics and sound requires loading time and that's fine. However, the game is built so that you constantly have to return to the main menu to upgrade heroes after they gain levels, and this main screen takes over a minute to load. It's like if every domestic flight in the US were required to pass through LAX, despite being Seattle to New York or something.

There isn't much else to say. I hope set up another themed gaming month in 2018, but there is some non-trophy-hunting I want to do like replay the Final Fantasy XIII games. I've always struggled with story coherence in those games, and would really like to play through without side missions and collectibles and just focus on experiencing the story, the same way I did with FFVI last month. What classics are you revisiting?

Games 2018: February

As what felt like the longest month in existence comes to a grinding close, I find myself wanting to continue playing games in themed bundles. With today marking the start of Black History month, Black Panther being released two weeks in, and me being super excited for both, it would have been nice to have February dedicated to games with black characters.

Yep, woulda been nice.

Would. Have. Been. Great.

Betcha didn't know!

It wasn't the hardest challenge to cultivate a group of female protagonist games, but games with black and brown lead characters simply don't exist outside of sports games. Now, I love Japan like a second home. However, Japanese gaming doesn't really have a place for nonwhite or non-Japanese characters. They just don't give a hoot.

Fortune favors the hot

Sure, there's hot-headed Barrett Wallace in Final Fantasy VII, fist-fighting Bruce in Tekken, never-miss, never-hit Fortune in Metal Gear Solid 2, and funky Zack in Dead or Alive, but it's also unrealistic to rely on a 98% homogeneous culture to produce games with racial diversity. That's where Western developers come in. Blizzard has brown characters in Diablo and Overwatch, and the Mortal Kombat games have Jax, Jade and the Lin-Kuei robot assassin Cyrax was revealed to be originally a brotha a bunch of titles back.

There's also the issue of keeping my game plan from financially spiraling out of control; ideally I should be cultivating the themed titles from my existing backlog. This is the perfect time to bring up the 2 games I bought yesterday. I saw 2 more female protagonist games that I just had to scoop up.

Beautiful people drawn beautifully

Over the first half of February, I will be going through Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice, and Iconoclasts. The former was apparently one of the best titles in 2017, and should be a short-but-sweet journey of less than 10 hours to platinum. Iconoclasts was just released (a week ago, as of this post), and is a 16-bit exploratory sidescroller with an all-girl playable cast. So far, I've played as the mechanic named Robin, who's got a big wrench and a big ass. Or is it just the jodpurs? Either way, the game has awesome music, great colors, smooth animation, and loads of character. What's more impressive is how fun the game is because of the pathing. The map works like any Castlevania game made in the last 15 years, but you end up crisscross areas to open other small places, making pathing more complex than left-to-right. I committed the ultimate financial sin and paid the full $20 for this title, but I'll just have to hope that the dev team sees my enthusiastic dollars for this great title.

I'll try and think of my next theme for games and get back to you. I've neglected to give my readers food for thought, so here goes: What's a theme of games I should play this year? What are some of your favorite games with leading ladies? What are your favorite minority characters in games?

Shoddy UIs I'm callin you out!

Me, when Daddy Apple, Grandma Google (not pictured)
and Mommy Microsoft change their UI

Apple is awesome at needless User Interface updates, though occasionally some useful features come out of their reckless restructuring. Finger gestures on their sweet-sweet touchpads is probably my favorite enhancement in the last decade. To contrast, Windows uses tried-and-true formulas and seems to think that there's no use in changing something that people already know. Remember the first time you saw a Windows (Start) key? Game changer. Then came the right-mouse-button key, and...nothing ever again to the keyboard. There are merits to innovation vs staying the course, but between the cracks are some poor choices for UI. Now, before I get started, I'll say that there are probably built-in solutions or separate applications that solve some of these issues, but the average user isn't aware, and that counts as poor UI to me.

You'd better have a good memory if you want to replicate that

Layer restriction: In designing my email signature, I wanted to copy and paste from my inbox, the main Outlook page. This is 2 layers back, from Signature (top layer) to Compose (1 layer down) email to Inbox. but since the dawning of time, Windows won't let you select the screen more than one layer back. I can move the signature box out of the way to see the composed email below it. However, I can't move the next layer (Compose email) or interact with it. I see this interactive layer restriction in many applications, even this very website when uploading media.

Another example: say I want to upload an image, but forget where the cursor is and corresponding text. Add on the fact that the photos I'm looking for are buried under a 10-folder directory path. Too bad, can't look without closing out of the upload screen. Why is this still the standard right now? At the very least, you should be able to make layers transparent at-will.

Most apps let you drag and drop between your file explorer and content creator, which is a sweet alternative, but you still get trapped in situations like Outlook.

File management on your smartphone: Why-ohh-why do I have to download a separate app to look at files on my phone in Android? Want to do the same on iPhone? Forget about it. On numerous occasions, I've put new music on my iOS/Android device, only to have whatever music app not recognize the song. Unless I've downloaded a file management app (why isn't this installed by default?), there's no way for me to check where the song went and begin a diagnosis without connecting it to a computer. Don't even get me started about needing iTunes to do the same for your iDevices. It's a silly form of restriction that Apple customers just deal with. A $1000 phone should be able to do anything and everything I want it to, damnit!

Traffic lights: Think about it, folks. We've shaken our fists at drivers who gun the engine through a freshly-red light. We've been the maniacs who are doing it, too. While drivers aren't blameless, ask yourself the question: how long is a yellow light yellow? The answer varies by intersection, not even block, city or state! There is no standard for something that is a daily danger (double-d for short. Actually, no one has ever called it that.) The burden is on the driver to make this split-second decision, when we could just implement something like a flashing yellow light that pulses 4 times before going red. While we're talking about good ideas for traffic lights, B.C. has flashing green lights that mean a pedestrian has activated the cross walk button, and so be on the lookout. Federal mandate, pronto!

Side note: that ad off to the right...

Ad placement in on Youtube: Using anything besides Chrome means I have to run Youtube without AdBlocker. Before the FCC ruins it and makes us all pay Comcast a Youtube premium, the company needs to pay for that data-gobbling with advertising, which I have no problem with in general. The problem is the 5-, 10- and even 30-minute advertisements that will begin in the middle of your hourlong video on the 110 reasons why Star Trek Discovery is the greatest show ever. We can all sit through a minute or so of commercials, but there's no rhyme or reason when these display; sometimes the videos stop mid-word!

an oldie, but Goldeneye had atrocious controls. Move with the stick
and aim with the D-pad or C-buttons. Gross.

Lack of customizeable controls in at least 50% of videogames: Why is this still a thing? If the controller has a trigger on it, why is the shoulder button above it the one to fire? Maybe the developers have thoroughly thought out the perfect control scheme. Good job, but there are always people who want something different, and might even get turned off by controls that aren't so great. I've written about this before, and there is also a collective of disabled gamers who have created their own controllers that don't work properly if a game doesn't have customizeable controls. There is just no good reason for this not to be a standard requirement. Unassigned buttons are Step 1 in designing controls, FFS!

Logins: I've already written an entry about password recovery. The gripe is when you put in the wrong info and the website doesn't confirm whether the login or password is what's wrong. This is probably a security feature, but is also frustrating because I personally have about 50 different accounts that use one of 5 email addresses. Even at my workplace, the handful of applications have different login schema, whether that's first.last or email or id#. Employers should read my blog!

Anyone can wave off these gripes as petty first world problems, but the businesses responsible for these had a goal of creating a good product that's easy to use, so there's that, too.

What about you: At work and in your personal life, how many accounts do you have that require a login? There's a poll under this post!

Gamer sense: The Ten Commandments

Given my proclivity to collect trophies in games, I would say I'm a little better than the average gamer, though everyone has titles they are experts at. However there's a way you can approach every game that I call "gamer sense," that some people don't seem to have. I am subscribed to James and Mike Mondays, and enjoy watching them play old and/or rare games. Occasionally, they miss things that to me, are quite obvious. Call me elitist, but I feel like these habits are pretty universal, and implementing them will make you a better gamer in general.

Thou Shall Visit the Options Menu before starting thy Game.

In our excitement to get to the action, tutorial, or 10 minutes of opening cutscenes, it's helpful to know what you can customize about the game. Even if you don't tweak anything right away, if you need a difficulty reduction, want to turn up the game music or hate that R1/shoulder is fire (I despise this).

Thou Shall Go Left when the Main Story branches Right.

Not everyone's a collector, but games almost never put upgrades and bonuses in your main path. Even if you run into nothing but dead ends, you've deduced that the game is linear!

Thou Shall break Shit.

This is a test of the game's physics. Shoot/slash everything in the first room you start. If you see a crack in the wall, does it break open to reveal a secret or is it graphical? Is that door texture or does it open? Can you hurt your teammates?

Thou Shall Make multiple Saves.

Yep.

Thou Shall Throw a Hadouken.

If you're playing a new fighting game and don't want to interrupt the flow every 2 seconds, try out familiar inputs from Street Fighter. Smash Bros are the only fighting game I can think of that doesn't share inputs with SF. That leaves the rest of the fighting game market.

Why won't it go forward!?!?!?!?

Heed the HUD.

In coop, it'll keep you from taking the only food for yourself, despite having full life. You also learn what info is available. A friend of mine always asks how he died when the message to 'press X to survive' button is right there in the middle of the screen.

Thou Shall Listen, but...

Play with the best audio you have. Aside from sick soundtracks, sound design is a long part of the developing process and should be prioritized in your game experience. Telling where you're getting shot from is pretty important to survival. Also, special attacks and collectibles usually have audio cues that aren't to be ignored.

Thou Shall Grind Levels to thine own Music.

Game music is a sacred gift, and such repetition may sour your experience. If you're gonna do something tedious, jazz it up with something you can sing to, or make up your own lyrics about rocking bad guys.

Thou Shall not Play only one Platform.

If you have the funds, then get over your brand loyalty! Nintendo has a new gimmick each system, and most of them work quite well! Microsoft boasts a great controller for FPS games, the Gears and Halo series. Sony made a perfect controller, and shares your best gaming moments at the press of a button. Keyboard and mouse are pretty much the only ways to play RTSes and PCs offer the ultimate customization.

Thou Shall Watch thy Mouth.

If you're going to vent your frustration in a litany of racist, sexist or otherwise derogatory marks, mute your microphone. We all get heated, but share your comments with friends in private chat, rather than the general public. Also, don't diss on others' favorite games, and instead rejoice in the fact that they enjoy video games! There are still people who don't enjoy video games, called "sleeping husks." That was just me, ending my Commandment of Respect with a diss!

August ventures in Controllerville

Between now and my last game-related post, I have gone to Korea, suffered 90-degree summer weeks, and started about 10 games. Summer is my least favorite season by a long shot. Spring brings enough warmth and a reason to go outside, but has these things called wind and rain to cool stuff down. Summer is just a miserable 3 months, and considering I've been in Asia for almost half the summers in my life, I know miserable weather intimately. That said, a couple fans and cold drinks kept me in the chair, gaming on.

First up is Until Dawn, one of PS+'s free July games, and a playable movie in the slasher horror style. The game is exciting enough, and the writing is pretty average; your 8 characters have a few good lines, some bad jokes, and some questionable relationships. The worst part about this game, and the horror genre in general is two particular tropes; jump scares and illogical eyesight. The game takes place in snow-covered forest, and I've jumped out of my chair half a dozen times from crows and caribou - two things that I am absolutely not afraid of. Also, like movies of the genre, there are parts where a character is scared because they can't see what the camera can't see, as if they have no peripheral vision. I think these two features undermine the genre and cheapen the experience. If you want a good movie within the genre, you'll just have to watch Get Out, by my man Jordan Peele. Also, this game has one constantly-overwritten save file, meaning your consequences are permanent. This is a neat feature that would be neater if I weren't trying to get trophies with minimal playthroughs.

Shovel Knight is a 16-bit style platformer that was developed by Yacht Games, who is clearly a fan of the genre. The rockin 8-bit soundtrack that is among the greatest OSTs out there, the gorgeous 2d sprites and the legit challenges via enemy AI and tightly controlled and timed jumps make this game one of the best in its genre. My only issue is that to get all the trophies, you have to beat the game a total of 7 times, with 3 of those times being without dying. However, you can restart the entire level and try again if you do die, so it's not sadistic, just a bother.

Died? Rewind!

Mm...that's one Doomed space marine!

Duke Nukem 3d: World Tour is exactly what you'd expect: a bawdy, wise-cracking smartass hero who knows he's the man. This game translated very well from the PC to the controller, and you can even use cheat codes and still get trophies. However, that's not even necessary, as there is only one difficulty-based trophy.

Can't tell if that's the monster's nads or its heart.

It's a great example of a trophy list where the devs just want you to enjoy and finish the game. Duke Nukem still holds up because the weapons are fun: you'll pretty much use the chaingun and shotgun the whole time because anything with explosives will kill you, and the other novelty weapons like the freeze and shrink rays have limited effectiveness. This was the only game I platinumed outright.





Xenoraid was on sale for $2. I had such a great time with Xeodrifter that I figured games that start with X must be badass. It's true! This game is a top-down shooter with the gimmick that you have up to 4 different ships that have upgrades. There are a few hard trophies such as killing X amount of enemies in survival, but it's an enjoyable game overall with no major flaws.

Pyre has SuperGiant's usual glorious art. This locale is part of the overworld, which is basically purgatory.

Last, but very far from least is Pyre, by one of my favorite indie developers SuperGiant Games. I blindly preordered this game because I enjoyed Bastion and Transistor so much. Pyre is quite unique, but carries the dev team's signature beautiful graphics and amazing soundtrack.

The actual gameplay is split between a choose-your-own path and...street soccer. Pyre's setting is that you're stuck in some kind of spiritual prison, and the way out is to perform Rites before other wandering groups of people. A Rite is where your triumvirate (group of 3) use a celestial orb to extinguish the enemy team's pyre. Yep. I was pretty surprised to discover this gameplay, expecting it to be the isometric beat-em-up with leveling abilities that the last two games were, but am quite happy to have something as cleverly put together as this.