Games in October

Yeesh, this was the month of steady grinding, and not in a good way. Reflecting back, it might have been my least-enjoyable month of gaming this year. To set the tone, Gamefly offered me 2-at-a-time a $1 membership to come back to their service, so I happily signed up, thinking I'd have a similar experience as earlier this year.

Not 'pages,' 'pagies,' because it's...stupid?

I was finishing up the definitely-too-much-of-a-good-thing Final Fantasy XII and took 2.5 weeks to complete the first game, Yooka-Laylee. This game is controversial because fans of the developer's previous games Banjo Kazooie/Tooie called those games perfect platformers--and how do you really follow up to perfection?

Lots of jokes. Side note: this boss is super hard.

Yooka and Laylee are two buddies that explore, platform, and waste a whole bunch of your time all the while. In terms of exploring, this game rewards you with collectibles that aren't too far off the beaten path, and the scenery and graphics are beautiful. I also have to say that this game has one of the most diversified list of tasks - minigames - that I've ever seen, and most of them are pretty fun and thoroughly developed. Timed switches where you platform and collect, mine cart racing ala Donkey Kong Country, sliding and dodging, aiming and shooting, puzzling and a dozen other things you can do while you collect more than 1200 items.

A snake...named Trowzer. RILLY?

However, I mentioned that most of the minigames are fun, and this is where Yooka-Laylee gets tainted. For starters, the camera sucks. When there is an object between your perspective and the character, the camera doesn't know what to do. The controls tied to the camera suck, and at times the minigames control sucks, which is a great recipe for frustration. Good camera physics are the second pillar of a good platforming/adventure game and this game gets an F minus in that regard. The next gripe is inconsistency. Most of the game is easy and presents a lower-mid-level challenge: I did about half the tasks on the first try, employing some of my 10 Gaming Commandments.

Featuring a character from a better game.

Then there are certain boss fights and tasks that are so unreasonably difficult that I found myself swearing up a storm in front of a such a cutesy-fun game. Think about how humbling a Mario Kart blueshell is, and scatter that feeling throughout Yooka-Laylee, and you can understand why reviews blast this game so harshly. Also, the dialogue sucks and can barely be skipped. Ugh. With a single player game, the devs have no incentive to waste your time (as online multiplayer trophies and DLC does), so who thought this was a good idea? I can recommend Yooka-Laylee for people who like 3d adventure games, and it's a lot better if you're not going for all collectibles and can skip some of the more bullshit tasks.

Raphael still sucks in this game.

The next rental that I played for 2 days and returned was Platinum Games' TMNT: Mutants in Manhattan. This developer is known for games like Bayonetta and Vanquish. Bayo is hot shit, but the universe in that game makes no sense, nor does the story, and I never made it more than half way through the first game. Vanquish is a different story. I loved that game, and had one measly challenge left, after doing everything else, that kept me from the platinum trophy. TMNT has that feel of beating up loads of enemies with a noncommittal camera and maybe it was the other game I was playing at the time, but it felt so underwhelming. Maybe I didn't like this game because I shouldn't have played it alongside Yooka-Laylee. The turtles have a bit of personality, but you can set their moves to pretty much mimic each other. The AI controls 3 of them and you can switch them mid-combo and do some pretty cool moves that don't do much damage. Then you get to the third level and keep dying. Over. And. Over. This one is hard to recommend. To add insult to injury, mail time ate up 8 days with this rental.

One other rental was Trivial Pursuit Live, which was pretty awesome for what it was. The music was cool and the questions were a good challenge. That was a quick 100%.

My last rental has a special slathering of hatred for the month of October. Get this: Tekken 7 has a known error (still took a decent amount of Google-fu) that botches the 25-minute install. So, I fire it up and that happens. I see smudges on the disc and try again the next day. Doesn't work. Send the disc back. 8 days later, I get my replacement, and by then it's time to cancel with Gamefly as the $1 month was up. This time, the installation makes it to about 90% and quits.

...SHOUSHI...

At this point, I have wasted 1.5 weeks with a game that doesn't even work, bringing my monthly game rental count to 4 total games. This is a poor reflection of the rental company, and of course Namco, for making a game that doesn't install. The bug is that the game installs from the disc at the same time of downloading the patch, which apparently applies to the still-installing game. Play test, Namco. Plenty of other games do this just fine. Once I got Tekken 7 installed, it came to be what I expected, with a quick trophy list and naturally the two worst part of modern fighters: unfair, difficulty-shrugging special bosses and the online community, who are all masters of the Iron Fist Tournament.

Still got babes, dho.

Tekken 7 has dope graphics, but because the series always sticks to glossy-flashy, it will never look real, but that's fine. Stay with your art style! It plays like every Tekken game, has a story mode that I skipped entirely (I just want to fight), and has cool title screen music. It's also got a platinum trophy list that's easy to recommend. If you can install it, that is.

Change the sheets and I'm out!

Last up: one of my Games in 2017, Steamworld: Heist features steampunk-robot-cowboys--"cowbots"--doing missions around the solar system in a 2d tactics game with RPG elements. There are 9 playable characters and their skill sets mean you play them all quite differently. Each mission, you are free to select your crew, and Piper Faraday is only loosely your main character. Shoot robots and turrets, collect loot, enjoy cyborg-talk. Easy recommendation, here, folks.

Gamer sense: The Ten Commandments

Given my proclivity to collect trophies in games, I would say I'm a little better than the average gamer, though everyone has titles they are experts at. However there's a way you can approach every game that I call "gamer sense," that some people don't seem to have. I am subscribed to James and Mike Mondays, and enjoy watching them play old and/or rare games. Occasionally, they miss things that to me, are quite obvious. Call me elitist, but I feel like these habits are pretty universal, and implementing them will make you a better gamer in general.

Thou Shall Visit the Options Menu before starting thy Game.

In our excitement to get to the action, tutorial, or 10 minutes of opening cutscenes, it's helpful to know what you can customize about the game. Even if you don't tweak anything right away, if you need a difficulty reduction, want to turn up the game music or hate that R1/shoulder is fire (I despise this).

Thou Shall Go Left when the Main Story branches Right.

Not everyone's a collector, but games almost never put upgrades and bonuses in your main path. Even if you run into nothing but dead ends, you've deduced that the game is linear!

Thou Shall break Shit.

This is a test of the game's physics. Shoot/slash everything in the first room you start. If you see a crack in the wall, does it break open to reveal a secret or is it graphical? Is that door texture or does it open? Can you hurt your teammates?

Thou Shall Make multiple Saves.

Yep.

Thou Shall Throw a Hadouken.

If you're playing a new fighting game and don't want to interrupt the flow every 2 seconds, try out familiar inputs from Street Fighter. Smash Bros are the only fighting game I can think of that doesn't share inputs with SF. That leaves the rest of the fighting game market.

Why won't it go forward!?!?!?!?

Heed the HUD.

In coop, it'll keep you from taking the only food for yourself, despite having full life. You also learn what info is available. A friend of mine always asks how he died when the message to 'press X to survive' button is right there in the middle of the screen.

Thou Shall Listen, but...

Play with the best audio you have. Aside from sick soundtracks, sound design is a long part of the developing process and should be prioritized in your game experience. Telling where you're getting shot from is pretty important to survival. Also, special attacks and collectibles usually have audio cues that aren't to be ignored.

Thou Shall Grind Levels to thine own Music.

Game music is a sacred gift, and such repetition may sour your experience. If you're gonna do something tedious, jazz it up with something you can sing to, or make up your own lyrics about rocking bad guys.

Thou Shall not Play only one Platform.

If you have the funds, then get over your brand loyalty! Nintendo has a new gimmick each system, and most of them work quite well! Microsoft boasts a great controller for FPS games, the Gears and Halo series. Sony made a perfect controller, and shares your best gaming moments at the press of a button. Keyboard and mouse are pretty much the only ways to play RTSes and PCs offer the ultimate customization.

Thou Shall Watch thy Mouth.

If you're going to vent your frustration in a litany of racist, sexist or otherwise derogatory marks, mute your microphone. We all get heated, but share your comments with friends in private chat, rather than the general public. Also, don't diss on others' favorite games, and instead rejoice in the fact that they enjoy video games! There are still people who don't enjoy video games, called "sleeping husks." That was just me, ending my Commandment of Respect with a diss!

early Oct updates: money edition

On a recent post on credit cards and the data breach, I advised readers to freeze their credit. Since millions of smarties went to do this responsible thing, the three big companies, Equifax, Experian and Transunion haven't made it easy. (Warning, that link has a video that autoplays, but it's relevant.)

Servers were definitely congested, resulting in dropped forms and lots of frustration. I finally paid for the services for 2 of the 3 to freeze my credit, also not neglecting to spend a good 10 minutes looking over purchases in 2017. The only advice is to keep trying, especially the further we get away from the incident. One warning is that if you don't answer your background questions accurately, they may tell you it can't be done online, and ask you to mail a request to them with your name, address, social sec...PAHAHAHAHA. Keep in mind these people are supposed to be experts in security. They want me to mail all that in a letter than anyone could intercept?

Easy money.

Poorly-planned protocols aside, making it so that you have to take an extra step to open a credit line is the prudent thing to do; just don't lose that unlock code!

Also suggested is https://www.optoutprescreen.com/ to stop receiving those pesky pre-approved credit card offers that are littered with your personal info. The stoppage is supposed to last 5 years if done online.

Another update is that my filing with Unclaimed Property of the WA State Treasury went well! I got a check in the mail 2 days after sending the form!

Also, with Fall weather encouraging more indoor activities, you all should consider a Movie Pass. This lets you see one movie per day, any movieThis company mails you a debit card, and you use an app on your phone that shows you local theaters and play times.

When the company first announced the price drop to $9.95 per month, it took a lot of patience to navigate barely-informative webpages and sign up forms to get one. I got lucky, and mine arrived a week later.


Also, my phone battery is on its way out after 5 years, so that caused me to go on a pricing spree. The last time I tried to swap hardware on an Apple device went poorly, so between that and wanting to give Android another try, I went ahead and did some research. I ended up paying about $50 for a brand new Moto e4, a decent phone, with its own phone number. While it's not an iPhone 8 or Galaxy S7, it has a bright 5 inch screen, fingerprint scanner and is very fast and responsive. It also costs 1/16th what an unlocked top-of-the-line phone does and has a headphone port.

How'd I get such a deal? I unlocked a brand new prepaid phone and swapped SIM cards.

So, Walmart.com will let you pick up a Verizon Prepaid Moto E4 for $39.99 and "activate it" before you leave the store. Except they don't actually turn it on. So, I added another FreedomPop line by ordering a $1 LTE Sim, which always seem to be on special. The code to unlock the Moto e4 was $2 on eBay. Before turning on the phone, I swapped out the Verizon sim and turned the phone on and entered the unlock code. There's one more step before everything works: Set a custom network, which is 3 clicks in the Setup menu. An added bonus was that the Verizon prepaid phone didn't come with too much bloatware - all those free silly apps that slow down your phone.

All in all, Frugal Fall is working out pretty well!